Porch Ponderings: Spooky Porch Surprise

Dare I say it? Can it finally be true? Temperatures have fought it for weeks now but I think it’s safe to say… Welcome Fall!! 

I love this time of year because here in Central Texas those scalding temperatures of endless summer finally begin to falter at least a little bit, and it becomes possible to sit on the porch in relative comfort and breathe without breaking a sweat. Believe me, that’s a real big deal!

I softly sigh as I lift my face and let my senses fill with the wonderful signs of autumn. Inside, open windows welcome the soft breeze as the cooler air plays gently with the pull cord tassels of my window blinds. Pumpkin spice with its aroma and warmth blends into my hot coffee and comforts me like a soft blanket. Apples and cinnamon, butternut squash and sweet potato recipes playing on Food Network prepare my tastebuds for holiday feasts to come. And, crazy as it sounds even to my very non-athletic self, I love the sounds of college football on Saturday afternoons – the bands, the cheers, and the traditions that fill the air with excitement. 

Yes, fall is grand and my favorite month of the year is October. Except for one thing – 

Halloween!

All you lovers of spooks, ghosts and goblins, don’t hate on me! This is nothing personal against you. Honest. It’s just that for me, there’s so much about Halloween I don’t like: Skeletons? Nope! Zombies? Nope nope! Food that looks like body parts and guts? Gross! Spiders webs? Icky! Vampires, werewolves and things that go “bump” in the night? No, please!

You see, I have a real aversion to surprises – that is, bad surprises. I mean, surprise me with a hot fudge sundae and I’m cool with that. But people or things popping out at me saying “BOO” just don’t give me a kick. Heart stopping, hair raising thrillers in movies, books or the neighborhood are not fun to me. 

To put it bluntly, I’m a “‘fraidy-cat” – there, I said it. Facing my limitations is crucial, I’ve been told, in learning how to accept them and overcome them. But I’m not that interested in overcoming my “fraidy-cat-ism.” It is what it is and I don’t see much use at my age (no comments!) in trying to change this awkward condition. I’ll just continue to try to avoid those “boo” moments that distress me.

But there is a problem with that. Life in Central Texas, especially if you go outside, is full of “boo” moments! I mean, walk out to your garage and you can easily be confronted with a ginormous spider with obvious evil intent or a battle ready scorpion, tail up, daring you to bring that careless bare foot one step closer. They may not say “boo!” but they’ll certainly give my heart a jump-start for the day!

All that to say that there was one perfectly beautiful October day that decided to pull a dastardly prank on me, and, in all of its Halloween glory, jumped out and said, “Boo!” It pulled a “trick” without a “treat” that went something like this:

THE SNAKE IN THE WATER POT SPOUT

October is my favorite time 
To sit on my porch and make a rhyme.
The days are so bright
With sun’s warm light,
And the temperatures hold –
Not too warm or too cold. 
The wind is calm, just a breeze,
With a soft flutter in the trees,
And flowers and plants are sure to thrive
If I water enough to keep them alive.

It was on such a day
When I began my word play
That I noticed a plant 
In a very bad way.

Bless its own heart, it had such a thirst,
Don’t think I’ve ever seen it much worse,
So I grab my small pot with its long slender spout,
But pour as I might, no water came out.

I saw a small leaf floating on top
That must have stopped up my water pot,
So I pulled out the leaf, using my hand,
And tried to pour the water again. 

It’s then I had a frightening surprise
Right there before my very own eyes,
And I’m telling you now, I gave a loud shout 
When a snake came out my water pot spout!

I gasped for breath, sure of quick death
From this serpent of Satan and son of Macbeth, 
But his murdering nature I began to doubt 
As he waved his body half out the pot snout. 

He bore no diamonds and his small narrow head
Convinced me that I had “nothing to dread.”
Then he waved his head in a slithering way
As if to say, “How is your day?”

And I replied, “Not so good.
Not with you in the neighborhood.
Yes, you must go! I want you out,
Out of my way and my water pot snout!

“I don’t mean to be cruel,
But you’re breaking the rules –
No snakes in my space,
You stay in your place. 
Not on my porch, not close about,
And definitely not in my water pot spout!”

So here is my plight,
A problem not slight,
This snake that’s half in my water pot snout –
How do I get his other half out?

So I grab my pot and sling it hard – 
Truth be told, it didn’t go very far.
But now it lays in the shade of the tree 
Away from me, where the snake can go free. 

Epilogue:

When fearless man, my man, comes home,
He finds that the snake has taken to roam,
Not sure where he is, but he’s somewhere about –
Just hope he stays out of my water pot spout!

The moral of this little story is none whatsoever. However, I did learn a lesson – I now keep a rag in the top of my water pot and a stick in its spout to keep future invaders and “boo” masters OUT! 

Do you have a story about a spooky porch surprise? I’d love to hear it!

Happy Halloween!